


The Train Home

by kirishima_is_best_boi



Series: The Train Home Stories [2]
Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Future Fic, M/M, vague mentions of makoharu and rintori
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-07 02:11:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15208562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirishima_is_best_boi/pseuds/kirishima_is_best_boi
Summary: As it turns out, turning thirty isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.“His Nagisa. The thought might him smile down at the phone in his lap. Nagisa, mouthful of cake, was his lock screen. The train home to Iwatobi was crowded, but he’d managed to snag a comfortable seat for the journey. He wished it was Nagisa chattering at his side rather than the stuffy old woman next to him who kept sneezing and sneezing and sneezing.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My Tumblr is chiroiscanonking.tumblr.com/

The invitation issomewhat confusing: “Come to dinner, Rei. Please do not bring Nagisa. We have important family matters to discuss.”

But Nagisa was family?

It had come as a shock to many that Rei and Nagisa had lasted as long as they had. They’d stuck together through high school and college and two Rei spending two years abroad in grad school... but they were together. They were nearing fourteen years of Rei and Nagisa and Rei wanted nothing more than to make that twenty or thirty or forty years. They lived a life that made them both happy. 

Rei works at a local art gallery as a director and Nagisa, who had chosen to forgo college, takes odd jobs here and there, but spends much of his time as something of a social media influencer thanks to his ability to put away enormous amounts of food while somehow still remaining cute. Who knew such a thing would be so popular? Rei didn’t understand, but he never really understood his Nagisa. 

His Nagisa. The thought makes him smile down at the phone in his lap. Nagisa, mouthful of cake, is his lock screen. The train home to Iwatobi was crowded, but he’d managed to snag a comfortable seat for the journey. He wishes it was Nagisa chattering at his side rather than the stuffy old woman next to him who keeps sneezing and sneezing and sneezing. 

It had not been a shock to Rei when Nagisa’s parents accepted their relationship with gentle smiles and tissues for a sobbing Nagisa. “Be happy, honey. That’s all we’ve ever wanted.” His mother had whispered the sentiment as she patted her son’s sweet curls. Two years of being their relationship and all for... nothing? The stress and the fear had boiled down to a smile and plans to help the boys move to Kyoto so Nagisa and Rei could be together as Rei moved on to college. 

The real shock had come with Rei’s parents had reacted with the sort of blasé attitude that only came from knowing and accepting something. Rei has managed not to stutter his way through his perfectly rehearsed spiel. He was going to Kyoto University. No, art history was not a useless pursuit. Nagisa was coming with him. They were in love. They’d been in love for ages. “I’m sorry.”

Rei wasn’t really sure what his parents truly think. Their son was... well... it was easier not to talk about it. Nagisa was invited to family events and met with the same smiles as before. Nothing changed. 

The train screeches to a halt and Rei steppes onto the platform. He moves a sufficient distance from the doors before pausing to text Nagisa. He is a worrier under all that loud, blonde bravado and despite having just turned thirty, Nagisa is still that loud mouthed boy with the whiny voice and infectious smile. “Text me when you get there, Rei! Otherwise I’ll have to hunt you down! I swear!”

His parents greet him with hugs and kisses. It has been several months since they’d last seen each other, but Rei makes sure to keep contact with his family via phone and text. He loves his parents. 

They sit in the living area and his mother serves them tea. His parents had moved into a smaller home once Rei had officially moved out. It was different, but still the same: Warm and inviting and plastered with photos of family and friends.

The conversation is normal at first, but quickly Rei feels something shift. His father is a plain man with plain words. It was his mother who was truly the star of the relationship, but like Rei she overthought and floundered often. 

“You’ll be thirty in three months.” His father begins simply. Was this the important family matter? “And it’s time you start thinking about your future.” Rei sets down his tea then. He clasps his hands together and sits up a little straighter. He feels like a little boy again being scolded by his father for something he didn’t understand. 

“I do plan on pursuing a PhD in America.” Rei offers. “Nagisa has improved his English thanks to his fan base. It would be an easy move for us really.”

His father raises his hand. Stop. “We have tolerated your... infatuation for this long, Rei, but it’s time you grow up and be a man.” His mother offers him a plain green folder and he takes it with slightly trembling hands. 

“What is this?”

“We’ve already spoken to a matchmaker for you, Rei.” His mother speaks as if she was calming a toddler. “And she found five women who would be perfect for you. I know you’ve always had issues talking to girls, but really it’s something you just have to get over.” 

Rei isn’t sure what he feels. His hands turn cold and his feet start to sweat. His glasses fogg as his face grew red. His vision blurs and he feels as if his brain is three feet away from his body. He swallows thickly and opens the folder. 

The profiles were clearly organized to highlight the assets of each woman. Intelligent. Bubbly. Serious. Ambitious. Beautiful. Blonde. Blonde. Blonde. Blonde. Blonde. 

“Rei? Rei, are you listening?” His father again. Rei closes the folder slowly. He sets it in his lap as he moves to clean his glasses. 

“Now we know you’re very fond of Nagisa, and we’re very happy he’s kept you company for you long, but that lifestyle is not the Ryugazaki way.” 

His mother reaches out and gently takes his hand. Her hand feels colder than his own. 

“A man your age shouldn’t be fooling around anymore. Marry a nice girl and give us some grandchildren, eh?” His father tries to sound lighthearted but the message was clear. 

Leave Nagisa. Forget Nagisa. Stop loving Nagisa. 

Rei pushes his glasses back into his face and adjusts them just so. He didn’t know how to answer. He was angry. Would he yell? He was scared. Would he cry? He was anxious? Would he be silent? 

“I need to go.” He finally manages and it was a miracle that his voice didn’t shake or tremble. His mother stands as he rose and his father quickly follows. 

“Please look over the profiles.” She strokes his arm. “I know this is hard, but it’s what’s best for all of us. Boys like Nagisa... Well they don’t change, but you aren’t like him.” She kisses his cheek and he manages not to flinch. “I’ll arrange dates for you to meet the girls. I know that once you meet them you’ll see what we’re talking about.”

He doesn’t remember the train ride home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He remembers the walk up to their apartment. He remembers calling a quiet greeting and toeing off his shoes. He doesn’t remember the folder still gripped in his hand like a lifeline.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this might get more chapters

Rei doesn’t remember the train ride home. He doesn’t remember stopping to sit in front of the convenience store across from their cramped studio apartment. He doesn’t remember sitting there, alone and clutching that damned folder. 

His phone buzzes twice and he finally snaps out of his stupor. “How’s dinner? You didn’t send me pictures! Rei hates me!”

He manages to drop his phone twice in an effort to answer. “I lost track of time. I’ll be home soon.” I love you. He can’t bring his fingers to type anymore. Nagisa responds with a demand for sushi from the convenience store. Oh, and get something for your lunch tomorrow! 

He remembers the walk up to their apartment. He remembers calling a quiet greeting and toeing off his shoes. He doesn’t remember the folder still gripped in his hand like a lifeline. 

Nagisa sits at their ugly pink kotatsu with his laptop in front of him and his microphone and camera setup in front of that. He smiles up at Rei and there it is again. Hot and cold. Here and there. Angry and happy and anxious. “Tell everyone hello, Rei!” He whines. Rei only manages to kiss the top of his head and breaths in the smell of his off brand shampoo. He hands Nagisa his requested sushi and a cellophane wrapped Sakura bread. 

Nagisa winks at whoever is watching his stream and then mutes the mic. “Are you okay? You’re back early!” Even at thirty Nagisa is loud and bossy and will forever have the voice of a teenage boy. His big eyes shine with childlike glee and his soft curls bounce with every word. Nagisa is many thangs a man of thirty should not be. Still, he is Rei’s Nagisa and he knows Rei like he knows the rush of gliding through the water. 

“I have a stomach ache.” Rei lies easily. His face must be read and he’s sweaty and shaking. He holds the folder tightly in his hand still. He fears that if he lets go of it something of himself will fall with it. “I’m going to have a bath and try and get some sleep.” 

Nagisa accepts the lie easily. He pats Rei’s empty stomach gently and kisses his cheek off camera. Take some medicine and go to sleep. I’ll run your belly for you later! I’ve got magic fingers! 

Rei can barely hear him over the roar his own blood in his ears.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He spends far too long in the bath. He doesn’t cry. He doesn’t scrub himself raw. He doesn’t dip his face into the water and lay there until his lungs burn. No. He sits and he lets the water go from hot to lukewarm to cold. He stares blankly at the bottle of Nagisa’s cheap shampoo and he thinks about nothing.

Rei remembers the plane ride home. He’d spent two years away from Japan to pursue his graduate degree in the United States. Two years of scraping by just to survive on his meager fellowship. Two years of being unable to afford trips home. Two years of being away from everyone he loves.

He can’t let go of the folder. It’s stupid, he thinks. He can’t let go of this thing he doesn’t even want. This stupid folder feels like his only connection the this realm of existence when that feeling had only ever been reserved for his Nagisa. 

His Nagisa who had sent him care packages every month. His Nagisa who wrote him every week, the old fashioned way with pen and paper and hearts over the “i” in Rei in the address line. Nagisa who cried over the phone because he missed Rei and damn it if it hadn’t taken every ounce of strength in Rei Ryugazaki’s body not to board the first flight home and never leave again. 

He wants to rip the folder in half and then in half and then in half and then in half until it’s nothing but a pile of nothing. Instead he sets it under his pillow. 

Letting go doesn’t make the feeling go away. He is tethered to the Earth by an olive drab folder that bent at the spine and warped ever so slightly. 

He spends far too long in the bath. He doesn’t cry. He doesn’t scrub himself raw. He doesn’t dip his face into the water and lay there until his lungs burn. No. He sits and he lets the water go from hot to lukewarm to cold. He stares blankly at the bottle of Nagisa’s cheap shampoo and he thinks about nothing. 

“Rei! I have to pee!” He comes back to the world at the sound of whining. Their apartment is tiny and the small bathtub shares its space with the toilet. 

He climbs out and grabs a towel before unlocking the door. Nagisa stands with a full pout puffing up his cheeks and lips. “I was gonna go in the kitchen sink, I swear!” When he gets no reaction he frowns and gently touches Rei’s cheek. “You’re warm. You should get dressed and go to sleep.” 

Rei only smiles weakly and lets him pass. He brushes his teeth as Nagisa pees. Nearly fourteen years of companionship negates any shyness it seems. 

Nagisa brings him bitter medicine and a glass of cold water. He tucks Rei in with a gentle smile and assures him he’ll be come to bed soon. “I just need to clean up so Rei doesn’t get mad in the morning!”

Rei clutches the folder under his pillow with all his might.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Theirs was not a whirlwind romance filled with clandestine makeout sessions in the locker room or hand-over-mouth handjobs while Rei's parents slept in the next room. No... Their relationship was more of a slow jog with no destination in mind. They took baby steps. Kisses were gentle. Hands were held. Dates were filled with shy smiles and perpetually blushed cheeks. It was the sort of love that stood the test of time and they both knew it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3 whole kudos yeeeee...also enjoy some of the tropes in nagisa fics I don't care for

Nagisa remembers the first time he and Rei had slept together in the same bed. Nagisa had wheedled his way into sleepovers a dozen times after he and Rei had become friends. He'd whined about his loud sisters, whined about his mother's awful miso soup, whined about needing Rei's help studying, whined about being tired. Rei always gave in after halfhearted complaints. Eventually he'd just left a pair of pajamas and some toiletries stuck under Rei's bathroom sink and that had been that. He even had his own pair of baby pink house slippers sitting at the entrance to the Ryugazaki apartment. 

Curling up in bed together had just come naturally. Nagisa had usually taken up residence on a futon right next to Rei's bed, but that day his mother had washed it and it was still drying on the balcony. What harm was there in best friends sharing a bed? 

None, as it turned out. Instead Nagisa had experienced the best day of his life. Rei had gently, ever so gently, pulled him close and kissed his forehead. No fumbling to rip off their clothes or too wet kisses or confessions of love. There had only been Rei's arms around him and his breath against his hair. The morning was met with Nagisa returning the favor by kissing Rei's forehead too.

A week later they were officially dating. 

Theirs was not a whirlwind romance filled with clandestine makeout sessions in the locker room or hand-over-mouth handjobs while Rei's parents slept in the next room. No... Their relationship was more of a slow jog with no destination in mind. They took baby steps. Kisses were gentle. Hands were held. Dates were filled with shy smiles and perpetually blushed cheeks. It was the sort of love that stood the test of time and they both knew it. 

In all their years together Nagisa had only caught Rei in a handful of lies. Yes, he'd kissed his lab partner, but he'd been too scared to admit the infidelity. He was jealous of Nagisa's closeness to Aiichiro despite, but he hadn't wanted to ruin their friendship. Yes, he'd been staring at that woman's cleavage for far too long...And for that he hadn't explained further. 

Still, Nagisa trusted his Rei because Rei trusted him in return. Lies and secrets were few and far between in their relationship and Nagisa wanted to keep it that way. So when Rei came home pale as a sheet, eyes distant, and hand clutching a folder like a lifeline, Nagisa knew something was wrong. He smiled through it for Rei's sake. He would come to him with whatever was bothering him, right?

Right?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nagisa climbs into bed and Rei feels his arms wrap around him as Nagisa spoons against his back. His hand still clutches the damned folder and his eyes stare blankly at the far wall. A photo of he and Nagisa visiting the local aquarium hangs on the wall. Nagisa is riding on his back and they're both smiling so brightly that Rei is sure he can feel the heat of it.

Rei feels his breathing pick up as Nagisa pads around the room getting ready for bed. Their bed was sectioned off from their living area with a series of off-white curtains that didn't quite match each other. It had bothered Rei once that their tiny apartment was a kaleidoscope of clashing colors, but now he felt at home in the drama of it all. 

Nagisa climbs into bed and Rei feels his arms wrap around him as Nagisa spoons against his back. His hand still clutches the damned folder and his eyes stare blankly at the far wall. A photo of he and Nagisa visiting the local aquarium hangs on the wall. Nagisa is riding on his back and they're both smiling so brightly that Rei is sure he can feel the heat of it. 

"We'll talk about it in the morning, okay?" Nagisa whispers into his hair and Rei thinks he's going to pass out. "I love you." A kiss lands on the back of his neck and then there's silence. He's not sure either of them sleeps that night. 

In the morning Nagisa leans over Rei and grabs his phone. He calls out of work for him, saying that Rei has come down with something and he'll be in as soon as he can. Rei's eyes sting and he feels a fist rip at his guts. 

Nagisa curled back up against his back. He nuzzled his nose into the short hair he finds there. "Do you remember when I called you ten minutes before your dissertation?" He whispers. Rei nods barely. He does remember because that phone call had broken his heart. Nagisa had sobbed that he just missed his voice and he was so sorry and he knew he was busy and he just wanted him to come home. Rei had entered the room with red eyes and his head held high. "I still miss you like that every time you leave for work. It's silly, you know? Because I know you're coming home in a few hours. I still miss you..."

Rei rolls over to face him and Nagisa's pink eyes are a little watery. He knows something is wrong and Rei can't stomach hurting him anymore. "My parents want me to marry a woman."

Boys like Nagisa can't change. Boys like Nagisa swim in schools of fish just like them. Boys like Rei... Well, boys like Rei don't mind who they school with. 

He slides the folder out from under the pillow. Nagisa sits up and takes it. He flips through the pages with steady hands. The woman all look like him with pretty pastel eyes and blonde hair and round cheeks. Rei always complimented his soft features... His narrow hips... His high voice. He knows Rei's eyes wander. He knows his search history isn't clean. He knows. He knows. He knows. He knows.

"Nagisa?" Rei is sitting across from him. His hands reach out to cup his cheeks and he flinches as Nagisa flinches back. "You aren't upset because of what they're asking." His voice is barely a whisper. They've had a baker's dozen worth of real fights in their relationship and they both know that this one might break them. "You're upset because you've thought about it."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I know a lot of things, Rei."

Rei stammers once. Twice. The third time he sees red. "I've thought about it?" It isn't a question. It's an accusation snarled out by a wounded dog that's been backed into a corner. "You're the one who bats his eyes at any man who so much as looks at him. You're the one whose social media is half filled with pictures of you with ...with... With fucking phallic objects in your mouth! You spend half your time chatting with strange men and accepting gifts and money! You're the fucking whore!" 

The words leave his mouth as quickly as the color drains from Nagisa's face. Rei's jealously is not an ugly secret they keep under the bed. It's a monster they feed scraps to keep placated. Rei's angry streak...Now that is a best locked in a cage they've covered in a paper thin sheet. The door is unlocked. The sheet burned. 

"I think I'm going to stay with my parents for a few days." Nagisa won't let Rei see him cry, but Rei's eyes well with tears. 

"You know I didn't mean it." He croaks. "You know."

The folder is shoved back into his hands. Nagisa rises from their bed. "I know a lot of things, Rei." He looked at him over his shoulder and Rei stares back at the photo of them smiling and laughing. Nagisa packs a bag and he leaves. Rei can't bring himself to move from their bed. 

Rei likes to think that he isn't afraid of many things. He's not afraid of spiders or of thunder or of monsters that go bump in the night. Heights aren't so scary when you think of them logically and honestly the chances of being in a plane crash are infinitesimal. The thought of losing Nagisa, he realizes, isn't something he's afraid of at all. Rei sin't sure if that should make him laugh or cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why do i make tiny chapters? who knows man


	7. Chapter 7

The train home to Iwatobi was crowded, but he’d managed to snag a comfortable seat for the journey. He wished it was Nagisa chattering at his side rather than the stuffy old woman next to him who kept sneezing and sneezing and sneezing.

Nagisa refuses to answer his texts or calls for three days. Makoto calls him to offer gentle advice and Haruka texts him an article about clownfish mating for life. He doesn't quite get the relevance. Aiichiro sends him a page long rant and Rin sends him an apology for the rant and a vague threat to go along with it. 

Everyone knew what he'd done and Rei had never felt that kind of overwhelming, crushing shame before. He had failed a hundred times before. He'd disappointed himself even more than that and he knew he'd disappointed his family and friends too. This...This was something beyond that. This was not beautiful. 

He clutches the olive drab folder in one hand and in the other a box of extremely expensive box of candies. Nagisa is not the only Hazuki with a sweet tooth. The Hazuki household's door slides open slowly and Nagisa's father stands staring down at him. He is not greet ed with the usual warm smiles and familial touches. Mr. Hazuki's eyes are hard and his mouth is a thin line. He accepts Rei's gift and grunts that Nagisa is holed up in his childhood bedroom. 

He clutches the olive drab folder like it's melded to his hand. He can't let it go. It's ripped on one corner now and wrinkled and crinkled from handling. He stares at Nagisa's door for what feels like hours. There are a few errant penguin stickers stuck to the door frame and a faint scratch from when the pair had been a little too eager to get inside and Rei's watch had scraped the door. 

He tries the handle and almost feels regret that the door is unlocked. He steps inside and shuts the door with a barely audible click. Nagisa is not huddled in bed like a little boy. His eyes are red from crying, yes, but they are not watery and sad. No. Nagisa is not the sixteen year old boy he had once been. He's a thirty year old man with sharp anger in his eyes and the kind of set to his jaw that Rei knows comes from holding back insults and low blows. Nagisa could crush him with his voice alone and they both know it. 

Rei knows what he feels. His hands turn cold and his feet start to sweat. His glasses fog as his face grows red. His vision blurs and he feels as if his brain is three feet away from his body. He's scared. He's scared down deep into the pit of his stomach. 

He remember the first time he felt this sinking, rotting feeling in his gut. The situation hadn't been all that different really. He'd gotten jealous and angry and he'd hurt Nagisa. Actually hurt him. He'd pushed him into the pool and poor Nagisa had cracked his head against the ladder. By the grace of something he had been forgiven. Rei had sworn to himself he would never let his anger get the best of him... And now here he stood under the ice cold gaze of the man he loved and the man he'd hurt.

"Nagisa..." He holds the folder out with shaking hands. Nagisa's eyes cut through him, but he takes it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The olive drab folder sits open on the coffee table in front of them.

His Nagisa. The thought might him smile down at the phone in his lap. Nagisa, mouthful of cake, was his lock screen. The train home was crowded, but he’d managed to snag a comfortable seat for the journey. He wished it was Nagisa chattering at his side rather than the stuffy old woman next to him who kept sneezing and sneezing and sneezing.

Rei barely has enough time to put his bag down when Nagisa comes barreling down the hall and launches himself into his arms. "Rei! You're back! I missed you!" His laugh is loud and right in Rei's ear and he couldn't be happier to hear it. "You're heavy. Get down." Rei complained, but he made no move to let his Nagisa go. 

"Rei is just jealous that he's getting chubby~!" Nagisa laughs again and finally slides down to land on his feet. "How was work? I'll start on dinner! I got a record number of live viewers today. I got almost enough to cover the rent this month. They really wanted to see me eat those new donut fries. I told the them they were ju-mmph!" Rei leaned in and kissed him, effectively silencing his charming chatter. 

"I love you." Rei smiles so soft and so sweet that Nagisa melts under him like strawberry ice cream. "And I missed you." He gives his backside an affectionate pat. "I see you finally put everything away. Only took you a week." 

Nagisa drags him by the hand into the kitchen. "I kept getting sidetracked and there was so much to unpack! My parents really went overboard buying us new stuff! Then everything from the storage unit came yesterday and...ugh! It was a lot! Moving is hard!" He forces Rei to sit at the small table in the kitchen as he wanders around starting their dinner. "I didn't put up all the pictures though. I thought we could do that together. You're the art gallery guy!"

Nagisa talks through making dinner and eating dinner and finally grows quiet as they settle down on the couch to relax and watch television. "Rei... I'm really... I'm really happy we did this." 

The olive drab folder sits open on the coffee table in front of them. It's worn and crumpled and coffee stained. "The last of the paperwork came today. We just have to sign it and send the fees. Then it'll be official..."

It had taken over a year to get to this point. The soft smiles, the kisses, the hugs, and sweet greetings. Things had not always been so easy. Fourteen years of love had nearly been shattered by a folder. 

The second time Nagisa had been given the folder, it had been filled not with dating profiles, but with visas to enter the United States. Rei had begged Nagisa to forgive him. His pain had not come from his indecision in choosing Nagisa over one of those women, but rather his pain had come from the realization that his parents didn't accept him. Fear had turned him against the one he loved the most. "Come with me, please. Start a new life." And Nagisa had said yes.

It had taken time to save enough money and for Rei to find a job overseas, but they'd managed it. Things had not been same for them. Their slow simmering love had nearly boiled over, but now things were falling back into place. 

"Our anniversary is coming up soon." Rei commented as he glanced at the paperwork. There would be time for that later.   
"Fifteen whole years! You know a lot of marriages don't even last that long!" Nagisa squeaked. He threw himself back and into Rei's lap. "According to this thing on the internet, don't ask why I was looking it up, Americans say that fifteen years of marriage is the crystal anniversary." 

Rei looked down at him curiously. His glasses slipped down some and Nagisa reached up to push them up for him. "I know what I want for our anniversary." His pink eyes sparkle mischievously. He sits up and grabs the folder. He grabs a sheet at the very end of the pile and hands it to Rei: Marriage License Application. Rei can barely remember to breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to the like 4 of you that read this


End file.
